To be a lotus in the pond

And a dandelion in the woods.

“But to be a lotus in the pond
opening slowly, and very slowly rising–
that I could do.”

— Mary Oliver

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Dear friends,

Every month, I love digging a little deeper into a new illustrated essay with you, in our subscriber-only essays. But today, I thought it would be fun to change things up a bit and go behind the scenes of a painting.

In honor of this newsletter’s first anniversary last week, I wanted to share the story of the first illustration I ever created for Dandelion Seeds — and the unexpected moment that inspired it.

The story of this painting begins two December’s ago, on the day before Christmas Eve 2022. Jose and I were still living in Uruguay, and we had plans to go away for the holidays with his family, to the country’s beautiful east coast.

We rented a small house overlooking a small pond, its shores lined with cattail reeds that rippled in the wind. The sun was shining when we arrived, and the late afternoon light was just beginning to turn gold. The day was so inviting that we immediately set out for the beach, which we had been told was a short walk away. 

I’d packed my SLR camera for the trip, but I didn’t bring it on the walk, thinking that my phone would suffice. But no sooner had we set out that we reached the far end of the pond and discovered it held a sea of water lilies. 

The surface of the pond was blanketed with their round, glossy leaves, and dotting the leaves were exquisite pink water lilies, their perfectly pointed petals just far enough away that my phone would never be able to do them justice. 

At the sight of them, I felt an old familiar pang — the pang of inspiration appearing when I’m found wanting of the means to capture it. I always feel like I’m letting the universe down in those moments, unable to accept its gift.

I told Jose and his family that I would come back the next day with my camera, but the idea was immediately dismissed.

“This is Uruguay,” Jose’s mom said, meaning — this could be the only sun we get all week. In Uruguay, things like good weather and rich golden light are not things to be taken for granted, so off I went, sprinting back to our house to retrieve my camera.

The water lilies would have been all the beauty I needed that day, but instead, they were only the beginning — a prelude of what was to come.