What timing, I was slipping my into comparison just as I was reading this. I adore your newsletter and as a new mom myself, it’s giving me a reassurance that I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for your words ♥️
Kerani, I'm so honored and humbled by your comment. I feel like reassurance was one of the biggest things I needed during my first few months as a new mom (and if I'm being honest, I still do... :) so if what I shared here was of some reassurance to you, then I couldn't be more grateful for that.
Please know I'm sending a big hug of solidarity your way, and I'll be thinking of you and your son! 🤍
Yep, you just voiced my experience right now as I discover so much awe-inspiring writing on Substack! So hard to keep believing in your own unique contribution, thanks for giving voice to this. Love your work
Vicki, I just realized I hadn't replied to you here yet -- I'm so sorry! But thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words. This was a hard essay to hit publish on, as it left me feeling quite vulnerable after :) so I really appreciate you letting me know that it spoke to you 🤍
I found myself thinking of those early day with my kids. It’s funny because I looked around and thought to myself how easy everyone else made it look. It was so hard for me that I ended up loosing myself and climbing out of the whole years later to realize no one knows what they are doing.
It’s just like art and anything else you do, you do it, you win you fail and you learn. Then you just keep doing. Comparing yourself to the only thing you can, yourself. Otherwise you aren’t being fair!
This blog is a breath of fresh air and I am glad you are using it to come back to your creativity. Thank you for bringing us along.
It's so lovely to hear from you here, Brie! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to share about how your own journey was as a new mom. What you wrote here -- "Comparing yourself to the only thing you can, yourself" -- resonates with me so much, and I'm going to remember your words the next time I can feel the unhelpful kind of comparison creeping back in 🙏
Yup! Mothering is not a straight line gig. Many twists along the way! And every path is unique to that mother and that child. Two unique beings making a unique path together.
I love your thought about making a unique path together, Marji, and that quote is one of my favorites from C.S. Lewis! Thanks so much for sharing it here.
I'm so here for you on this one Candace. Mothering is sooo hard, and I found myself when my eldest was born surrounded by people who 'appeared' to find it easy. It changes your whole being, and life. It takes time to find your own routines and rythms, and the things that work for you both. At the end of the day they just need love, and I know you will be giving that unconditionally. Sending much love, and looking forward to reading your newsletter.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience, Angela. I've always loved seeing glimpses of life with your girls -- especially as their own creative pursuits and projects unfold :) -- so your words mean a lot to me. I'm grateful to have you here!
Yes, perfectly said. I think of comparison like meditation: you can't just turn it off, the noisiest thoughts just keep seeping back in at the sides, so you're always doing cleanup-on-aisle-4 duties - but you get better at releasing them, and after a while, in a mainly unconscious way where you don't have to apply direct effort, they stop showing up.
All that said: I'm a fan of one type of comparison:
"What's possible *this* time I'm doing this thing, compared to *last* time I did it, with everything I've learned along the way? What would be *even more* fun?"
Comparing now-yourself to then-yourself is pretty useful! As long as you're also being respectful and kind about it, in the same way you'd be to others.
I wish I could like this comment ten more times, it's so spot on. I love the idea of working with comparison just like we work with our thoughts in meditation...that is a pretty game-changing way of approaching comparison for me, and I'm so grateful to you for sharing it.
Also love the idea of comparing now-yourself to then-yourself -- I've been doing that a lot while bringing Dandelion Seeds to life, and it's really helpful to think that there's a version of comparison that can *serve* our creative journeys, and not hinder them. Thank you, my friend!
Ah, comparisons. On the one hand, we browbeat ourselves because we are not as good as _______ , but on the other hand, we gloat because we are better than ______ . In the worlds of Facebook and TikTok, we portray ourselves as glorious beings, but everyday, there we are on our little porcelain thrones being as absolutely, fundamentally human as everybody else, so we are all special, just like everybody else, in our own little quirky ways. I think that settles it.
What timing, I was slipping my into comparison just as I was reading this. I adore your newsletter and as a new mom myself, it’s giving me a reassurance that I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for your words ♥️
Kerani, I'm so honored and humbled by your comment. I feel like reassurance was one of the biggest things I needed during my first few months as a new mom (and if I'm being honest, I still do... :) so if what I shared here was of some reassurance to you, then I couldn't be more grateful for that.
Please know I'm sending a big hug of solidarity your way, and I'll be thinking of you and your son! 🤍
Yep, you just voiced my experience right now as I discover so much awe-inspiring writing on Substack! So hard to keep believing in your own unique contribution, thanks for giving voice to this. Love your work
Vicki, I just realized I hadn't replied to you here yet -- I'm so sorry! But thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words. This was a hard essay to hit publish on, as it left me feeling quite vulnerable after :) so I really appreciate you letting me know that it spoke to you 🤍
I found myself thinking of those early day with my kids. It’s funny because I looked around and thought to myself how easy everyone else made it look. It was so hard for me that I ended up loosing myself and climbing out of the whole years later to realize no one knows what they are doing.
It’s just like art and anything else you do, you do it, you win you fail and you learn. Then you just keep doing. Comparing yourself to the only thing you can, yourself. Otherwise you aren’t being fair!
This blog is a breath of fresh air and I am glad you are using it to come back to your creativity. Thank you for bringing us along.
It's so lovely to hear from you here, Brie! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to share about how your own journey was as a new mom. What you wrote here -- "Comparing yourself to the only thing you can, yourself" -- resonates with me so much, and I'm going to remember your words the next time I can feel the unhelpful kind of comparison creeping back in 🙏
Yup! Mothering is not a straight line gig. Many twists along the way! And every path is unique to that mother and that child. Two unique beings making a unique path together.
How could it compare to other’s paths?
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” C.S. Lewis
I love your thought about making a unique path together, Marji, and that quote is one of my favorites from C.S. Lewis! Thanks so much for sharing it here.
I'm so here for you on this one Candace. Mothering is sooo hard, and I found myself when my eldest was born surrounded by people who 'appeared' to find it easy. It changes your whole being, and life. It takes time to find your own routines and rythms, and the things that work for you both. At the end of the day they just need love, and I know you will be giving that unconditionally. Sending much love, and looking forward to reading your newsletter.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience, Angela. I've always loved seeing glimpses of life with your girls -- especially as their own creative pursuits and projects unfold :) -- so your words mean a lot to me. I'm grateful to have you here!
Yes, perfectly said. I think of comparison like meditation: you can't just turn it off, the noisiest thoughts just keep seeping back in at the sides, so you're always doing cleanup-on-aisle-4 duties - but you get better at releasing them, and after a while, in a mainly unconscious way where you don't have to apply direct effort, they stop showing up.
All that said: I'm a fan of one type of comparison:
"What's possible *this* time I'm doing this thing, compared to *last* time I did it, with everything I've learned along the way? What would be *even more* fun?"
Comparing now-yourself to then-yourself is pretty useful! As long as you're also being respectful and kind about it, in the same way you'd be to others.
I wish I could like this comment ten more times, it's so spot on. I love the idea of working with comparison just like we work with our thoughts in meditation...that is a pretty game-changing way of approaching comparison for me, and I'm so grateful to you for sharing it.
Also love the idea of comparing now-yourself to then-yourself -- I've been doing that a lot while bringing Dandelion Seeds to life, and it's really helpful to think that there's a version of comparison that can *serve* our creative journeys, and not hinder them. Thank you, my friend!
Ah, comparisons. On the one hand, we browbeat ourselves because we are not as good as _______ , but on the other hand, we gloat because we are better than ______ . In the worlds of Facebook and TikTok, we portray ourselves as glorious beings, but everyday, there we are on our little porcelain thrones being as absolutely, fundamentally human as everybody else, so we are all special, just like everybody else, in our own little quirky ways. I think that settles it.